Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
