I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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