1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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