I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
