Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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