eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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