My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
