saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You dont lie about slip and slides
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
