Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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