and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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