I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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