security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
