she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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