I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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