Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
People in love make me want to vomit
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the room spins SO much faster in panama
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
