he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
