Your mouth is God's brothel.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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