Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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