You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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