and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
