As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
