You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
