Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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