he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
