We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
