We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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