Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
