One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
