She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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