Swine flu. Run for my life!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
