billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
