I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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