I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
