Are we in a gay sports bar?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
how drunk are you?
Several
Can't talk, ducks in the car
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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