I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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