Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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