He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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