You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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