perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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