ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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