that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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