turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
