Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
