She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
