it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
