After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
