he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
