I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
