Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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