3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
