Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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