My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
